I need help

[sarcasticface]

Guys, I need some help. I made a bad move.

So, the story is. Me and my girlfriend had a big fight a couple weeks ago. That big fight took away a lot of my feelings for her.and that sucks because I want them back. I didn’t tell her this until just now because I was hoping the feelings would come back but they haven’t. I don’t know how to get them back and I really want them. Anyone please. I could use some advice.

[Rixster67r]

Stick a fork in it..... talking about your feelings with a female is a trap..... never do it...... A man SHOWS his feelings about a woman and doesn't talk about them beyond I love you etc.

Start putting yourself in position to meet someone new.....

I don't know what the big fight was about but my gut is telling me its jealousy...... another sign of weakness for a man...... A real man never shows jealousy because he is the man.....

A woman will describe another woman as the person she wants to be with but in reality she wants to be with a man...... so be a MAN and everything will fall into place if it is meant to be......

[RevanFan]

Stick a fork in it..... talking about your feelings with a female is a trap..... never do it...... A man SHOWS his feelings about a woman and doesn't talk about them beyond I love you etc.

That is horrible advice. Open and honest communication is the MOST important thing in any relationship.

Showing your feelings through your actions is also great, but open and honest communication MUST exist.

My advice to you, SF, would be... Take a day where you're free, sit down, and really get introspective. Think about the fight. What happened? How could it have been avoided? What part did I play in it? Then think about your current feelings. Can the relationship be recovered? Can I regain my former feelings? Do I want to? Be brutally honest with yourself. Then, when you know how you feel, talk to your girlfriend. Be honest, be empathetic. It'll be hard, it'll probably suck, but it's the right thing to do. And hopefully through that dialogue you can salvage the relationship if that's what you truly want. But if it doesn't happen, you'll know at least you did the right thing and tried. Take solace in the fact that you'll find someone else if it doesn't work out with your current girlfriend, and that you'll learn from your recent mistakes.

Also do note that arguments and fights are normal and even sometimes healthy, but they can get out of control if you're not careful, and that must be avoided. Try to keep a level head and a level demeanor even during an argument. Additionally, you must make sure you look inward and think about the part you played in the fight, so you can improve yourself as both a boyfriend to your current and future girlfriends, as well as a human in general. All of our experiences, positive and negative, are about growth.

As for how to get your feelings back... honestly I can't answer that. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they don't. But the important thing is to be honest with her and with yourself, and really try to be introspective and see what you want.

[elguapo]

If you're under 30 just date people and figure out what you're looking for in a partner. No one is perfect but you can find someone that is perfect for you. Once you're 30 and older start thinking about settling down with someone that will be great company.

I once heard that in a relationship you and you're partner do not need to give 50% , 50%... you need to give 100%, 100%. I agree with that.

I also believe that if they can't handle you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best and vise versa. No excuse to act like a child tho.

But if you really want her back club her over the head and drag her by her hair back to your man cave. (why do you think women like their hair pulled ehh?)

[RevanFan]

If you're under 30 just date people and figure out what you're looking for in a partner. No one is perfect but you can find someone that is perfect for you. Once you're 30 and older start thinking about settling down with someone that will be great company.

I once heard that in a relationship you and you're partner do not need to give 50% , 50%... you need to give 100%, 100%. I agree with that.

I also believe that if they can't handle you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best and vise versa. No excuse to act like a child tho.

That is all solid advice. I've had many friends get married well under 30. I'm talking 19, 20, 21, etc. While sometimes it ends up great, you don't really know how to even be an adult at that age. Not really. You don't know yourself, and you haven't been in the world long enough to know if you've found the real thing. Hell, you're brain isn't even fully developed until you're in your mid 20s.

It may be rough right now, but things will work out.

[MikeWest502]

Every man has different ways to solve his own problems. What works for you may not work for the next guy. In relationships, you have to have your own rules that do work for you and your mate. Fighting and arguing is NOT healthy in relationships. Every relationship has differences and disagreements. That does not give you any right to hurt someone "saying something you didn't mean" or lashing out because they hurt your feelings in the shouting match. Those ill moments stick like poo and will eventually stink again.

Arguing and fighting is no way to solve problems in a healthy relationship. There's a winner and a loser. The loser will find other ways to win, even if they have to cheat.

If you can't rationally talk with your mate to find solutions to the disagreements and always arguing, that's no good for your mental health. Big fights turn into divorce eventually. And most people hold on to the ill words spoken during the fight. People normally say things in rage that they normally would not, because that's how they felt deep down inside. And later fall back on the excuse " I only said it because, you said what you said or did what you did...".
That doesn't work and the relationship is in final count down stage to expire.

Both Rixster67 and Elguapo are speaking from life experience. I won't advise you what to do except to follow your own heart. SC, you did mention that your feelings for her are not the same. What's your plan? But I will say, if she wants to reconsile and you do too, then work on it. If not, don't harp on it. There will be new love interest in the future, I promise.

It doesn't matter how old you are. It's all about how mature you are. I was told in order to understand someone, you have to study them to know what works and what does not. You'll know what button to push and when to push it for bertter or worse.

Just be confident in your final decision moving forward. It's not the end of the world either way. Elgouapo, I wore the tee-shirt often. It read, I may not be perfect, but I'm perfect for you!

[Rixster67r]

I am not an expert in relationships and the advice I give is just my opinion......

However...... I was married for 25 years and then got divorced for lack of communication with my wife...... yeah lack of communication ok I get it .... but 25 years my philosophy worked.....

I now have been with my second wife for more than 10 years..... and she would tell you that my worst quality is communication ..... hmmmm after more than 35 years of marriage I feel I have been successful.... but to each their own.....

Here is something to ponder.....

In my first marriage my wife would test me every year and most years I would fail the test....

The test was that every august this game came out and I would go out and get it most of the time I had to wait at the GameStop till midnight and then I would rush home and get my game on.... but every year my young hot wife would come tromping through the room freshly showered and Nude and would basically be saying who do you love? me or Madden..... and this test was why my marriage failed and not communication..... you can be the judge

For 364 days I would put the controller down and ummm hmmm...... but on day 365 I failed

It takes 10,000 Atta boys to make up for one ahh CRAP......